Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Mostly Janie answers when I call. Sometimes not.
Then the other day I asked, "Why didn't you answer?"
"Well, I was trying to sweeten myself up first."
I love praying with her. She doesn't shrink God down to manageable the way that I do. She'll up and say, "In the name of the LORD God of the angel armies, ready or not, just make us how you want us to be!" I couldn't say that without trying to be gutsy. She acts like it's as common sense as setting the table. Maybe she's right.
'Course she's not perfect, but oh, to fail and fall into grace. She'll say, "Jesus is cleaning my heart. I can't believe it feels so GOOD!" I used to think she wasn't sorry when she'd disobey. But now I see a small quarter turn toward joy, toward being made better, as if regret is a mere formality in the work of repentance. The whole moment of failure gets swallowed up, and there I am wondering why I can't fail so well.